Cancer
sucks. Quite plain and simple. Having to watch loved ones go through the scary
battle alone and not understanding the pain they are enduring, just makes you wish you could switch lives
with them and see them no longer suffering. In
August of 2015, my grandfather got the call that there were four tumors in his
lungs; later, it was
found that these tumors were in fact lung cancer, ranging from stage two to
stage four. When I
heard the news, I was infuriated and pissed at God because why did it have to
happen to him? He was a hardworking, lovable, kind family man and so much more; why did God have
to punish him? Was it something I did? Was it to show consequences of actions
that I did not know of? All of these questions were being asked in my head and
never did I receive an answer.
In
September of this year, my
grandfather was admitted to the hospital because of pneumonia. Each day, I prayed he would get better. Each day, I prayed he would come home. Each
day, I prayed to God to heal him; but, those prayers went unnoticed. You see, I had a connection to my grandfather
like none of my other cousins or siblings; we called each other “Chunk” - I
have no idea how this came about but I still loved it - he would give me advice
for my adulthood, I would
go over just to watch him watch Nascar,
help him with yardwork, decorate
his house for the holidays and much more. On
Friday, October 21st, I was supposed to go to classes and then ride
to Charlottesville to see him; however, there
was a feeling that I had to go right then and forget my classes, I needed to be
there with him. On
Friday, October 21st, my grandfather took his last breath with his
children and wife of 65 years beside him; while I was in the waiting room.
When my
mother and I got there, she received a text from her sister that his heartrate
and pulse were dropping and to get there quickly. We rushed to the floor he was on and my mom went back to
his room, and I sat in the waiting room praying that he would be miraculously
healed. My mom came back to me and told me to go say
goodbye; since, there was not much time left. I got
to his room and paused because I did not know if I was ready to see what I was
about to see; last time I saw him, he was
talking, drifting in and out of sleep and holding my
hand and this time, his eyes were closed and motionless and groggy. I walked to his side, beside my grandmother, grabbed his hand, leaned over and said “Hey Chunk, I love you
so much okay? I will see you soon. I love you,” then kissed his cheek. He let out a small whimper or moan and I
knew he heard me. I
walked back to the waiting room and my mom went back to his room; 25 minutes
later he passed away.
I would
have never forgiven myself if I did not go that day; I would never be
emotionally settled like I am today, in the sense that, I am at peace because I
was able to say goodbye. Looking back, I realize God did answer my prayers; he was the one who
gave me the urge to go see him, in way giving me a heads-up. A couple years back, someone told me that
“God gives you people that you need most in your life. He allows you to have one of His children to
make you see things differently and to love that person and for them to love
you. But, when the time comes, He will call His
son back to Heaven because it is time for them to return home.” Having faith and knowing that my “Chunk” is
up in Heaven, has
allowed me to overcome all anger and aggravation I had towards God because He
has a plan that no one knows but it is for the greater good. In Isaiah 41:10, of the New International
Version, God speaks out and professes:
10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I
am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my
righteous right hand. (“25
Encouraging Bible”)
This verse explains that God is always with
you; whether you believe that or not. You
must trust His plans and do not fear for what He has in store for you; God will
give you the strength you need to carry forward. I know that I have to have a strong spiritual connection
because in order to see my grandfather again, I have to believe.
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